the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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