afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
