U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
