I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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