I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
