Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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