He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
