after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
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This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
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Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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