So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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