So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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