Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
