I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
