hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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