I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
