I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
