No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
