I feel great
I just peed on a car
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
