And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
