just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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