Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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