he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
