just come out here and I will go home with you...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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