Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
