and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
