Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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