need another drink. this is the easiest way
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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