Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize