meet me or not, i'm out of control
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
