Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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