3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have tasted many bathrooms
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
