I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
