According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
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Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
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That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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