There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
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I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
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the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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