Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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