Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
