apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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