Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
