Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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