I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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