it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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