i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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