so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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