don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
