I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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