i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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