i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
