tell your sister to shave her snatch
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
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You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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