I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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