Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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