ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
