Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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