Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
