all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
