Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Actions speak louder than pants.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
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I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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