Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
