I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize