Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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