Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
