saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
now i know why i became what i already was.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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