Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize