just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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